so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
