I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
