you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
should my penis look like a turkey
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
