He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
