We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
