He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
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she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
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Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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