At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
