He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
third nipple confirmed
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
