please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
