I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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