I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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