woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
