A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
