You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
