Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
