I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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