drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
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