yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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