Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
