I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
