Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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