Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
