I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
