put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
