..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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