chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
