Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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