And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
