i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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