Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
