I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
