stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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