i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
