He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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