Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
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I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
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I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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