kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
