I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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