dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
