This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
