I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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