She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
