Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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