Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
