you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
My ass is underappreciated
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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