So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
