Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
