My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
