SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
