At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
