Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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