I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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