one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
