someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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