dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
