I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
