3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
