Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
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