Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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