you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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