I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
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