ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
just tell him i said nine months
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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