i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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