they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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