remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
