I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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