I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
