Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
