apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
