burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
