Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
