Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
